My two cents on bums (non-mobile)

I've been accused on several occasions of being an asshole (and rightly so). And today is no different. But I'm not sure whereabouts I was/am actually an asshole on this particular situation. I think it's subjective.



Well, here's the story: Since my move is indefinately delayed due to the incredibly nice Matthew (husband of my mother's godchild) having his van catch on fire halfway here... I decided to jet down to the corner store and pick up a 12 pack. I don't like spending time alone sober, especially on the weekend. That's all changing once I move, but for now, bottoms up.


So I bike on down to the store and there's this guy there who I've seen and talked to before sitting outside smoking. I see that he now has a "new" bike (his last one was stolen). I say "cool", go inside, get my beer, completely forget to get trash bags and paper towel (the more important part of this beer run), and step outside. We strike up what was supposed to be small chit chat as I load the beer into my messenger bag, and the seemingly innocent question, which is usually rhetorical, is exchanged: "how are things?"


ME: Not to bad, yourself?


HIM: Not so great man.


ME: How come?


HIM: I'm homeless man.



Now how do you respond to that? My initial and internal responce was "my heart goes out to you brother. If I carried cash instead of plastic, I would give you money so that the burdeon of the world might be lifted from your shoulders for a short while." But as I tried to be nice and positive, and desperately trying to (and failing horrifically) to not slip into any of the stereotypical death traps usually stumbled into by the typical unhomeless person trying to relate and, maybe, learn a little something (and seem humanitarian; but not sickingly so), out slips the "n-word" from this broke homeless sweetheart of the streets.


This is about where I question my asshole-ness. I continued talking to him. Honestly, I never wanted to talk to him in the first place. He's old, dirty, smelly, and a loser. He's not down on his luck, one of the forgotten, etc. Maybe you think that is the asshole part. But let me explain something: I'm not prejudiced against homeless people. I'm prejudiced against losers. I could tell just by looking at him that he wasn't deep. He wasn't even human. He lacked a soul. That's the only way I can explain it.


Of course, those thoughts made me feel bad about myself as a person; that is until he showed his true colors tonight. I suppose, that possibly, when all the world is against you; blind hate, while still unacceptable, is at least understandable. From a psychological standpoint; if everyone in the world treats you like shit, and you have no one that you can identify with on an emotional and personal level, then you might reevaluate your standards, and start trying to identify people at a lower more superficial level. So skin color, class rank, etc, might become your new rating system. By that thinking, becoming racist/sexist/homophobic/class-hating is understandable. Psychologically speaking. Buuuuuuut...


I learned nothing about the world from my encounter with the racist bum. And by the way, he's been homeless on and off for about 20 years. He only gave me his sob story in hopes that I'd give him some money or some of my beer. He didn't say as much, but he certinally wouldn't let go of my hand when I said "nice to meet you" and shook his hand since he extended it. If he wasn't dirty and racist (and by dirty I mean just a slob, worse than me (and that's pretty bad)- not physically dirty, although he was quite so), I might think that at that moment, he was fragile and spent, and reaching out for help. And I could be the guiding light that reaffirms his faith in humanity. Then the fictional puff story from that point on would bring this man to stop drinking, stop begging, get a job, run for senator and save a small town from shutting down homeless centers saving hundreds from the harsh hurricane season.


But he's just an asshole. My question to you: Was I more of an asshole when I 1)Kept talking to him after he opened his mouth to show me a steaming pile of dog shit sitting on his tongue, or B) when I didnt give him any money/beer and then blogged about it when I came home as if I was somehow better than him just because I'm not a racist?